How to be a Customer: Lesson 2

Greetings, possible retail consumers. I hope you didn't feel too abused after the last lesson, because here comes the next one...

Lesson #2: You buy, I work... Don't try to switch roles

What do I mean by this one? Simple. I am on one side of the counter. On my side of the counter is a dizzying world, a veritable Venn diagram of hours, interpersonal politics, company policy, wages, promotions, product, condescension, and loads of inane questions. Now, on your side of the counter is a much different world. In that world, the objective is much simpler: to exchange currency for an item that will create positive reaction.

Sure, your world may contain elements that I know nothing about. And therein lies the point of Lesson #2... I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, DON'T TRY TO TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY BUSINESS!! (Sorry about the caps, but it's a phrase necessary to speak in an outdoor voice, i.e., loud)

The simple fact is that you don't know shit about shit (when it comes to where you shop), and I don't need you to tell me how to do it. Every suggestion you think is helpful probably goes against company procedure. And your admonitions/predictions serve no purpose but to piss of employees and placate your smug ass. See Lesson #1 about what happens when petty self-righteousness occurs...

Honestly, half the employees don't know everything that goes on in corporate, and sometimes I'm pretty sure corporate has no bloody inkling of what's happening on the floor. Even with that limited knowledge, we bitch, though we only fire it off when it's become constructive, and might help the company (ideally). (Granted, sometimes retail employees just bitch and rant, and sometimes the HQ are completely out of touch. But, usually, there is some level of symbiosis. Usually.)

Today's Example: A new store in a rental chain is opening. In said store, our subject signs up for a new account. Later that month, he/she stops by to rent under said account. This company is slightly different, in that it doesn't treat its potential members/customers as potential criminals. When he/she realizes that all he/she needs to do to rent on his/her account is speak his/her name, the subject becomes flabbergasted.

Next thing you know, he/she is paranoid and nervous, ranting about the rampant ID theft that is plaguing the nation. How can this establishment not require 20 forms of ID, two passwords, and a secret handshake to make sure that nobody rents on someone else's account?! "Don't you watch the news," this person asks, wide-eyed.

At this point, the store's manager informs the subject that he/she can put a "See ID" note on the account, and all is well. At this point, the subject could agree or decide that he/she buys far too deeply in the media's fear culture, and take his/her business elsewhere (where being treated like a potential criminal is comforting).

But, this is an illustrative example, so he/she chose the third option. The subject went in to great detail to explain to this store's manager that such a business was going to go belly-up. He/She cited vague anecdotes to back up his/her grand assertions, and left with a "Good luck, because I doubt that your business will be around for very long." (Because, as you might guess, a company with decades of experience and a proven/profitable business cannot hope to survive the paranoid delusions of some random crap-for-brains)

Don't tell me why my business will fail. Just exercise your freedom to shop elsewhere, and let me serve consumers who have a clue.

Next Lesson: If I don't treat you like a criminal, don't act like one.

How to be a Customer: Lesson 1

After a pain-in-the-ass day of work in the retail business (and many more to come before Christmas), I've decided to provide the occasional lesson to the drove of mindless people who shop in retail stores and like to think that the customer is always right.

You're not. And no amount of quoting cliche is going to stop me from jamming "Totally Hits Christmas" down your throat when you finally make me snap. So listen up:

Lesson #1: Don't shoot the messenger

Speaking of cliche, here's a good one to start with. If you're shopping at a store that has locations in more than one city, it's a pretty solid bet that "insignificant" things (like pricing, flexibility, procedures) are set. No amount of bitching at the part-time help will make things suddenly go your way. (Hell, sometimes bitching at the manager in such a store won't change things. That's a downside to franchise: you may get consistency, but you won't get flexibility)

Oh, and if you're calling/stopping by to smugly inform an employee of said retail outlet that you know of a lower price at a bigger, more soulless chain... fine. Though you are exercising your capitalistic freedom of choice (sacrificing service and knowledge for a $3 price difference), stop yourself before you start accusing/interrogating the aforementioned help. While your self-righteousness may feel good, remember: I have eight D-size batteries behind the counter, and I used to play baseball. The petty satisfaction you receive from belittling a retail employee (with a college degree) is NOTHING compared to the satisfaction he/she will feel from seeing your overweight and unconscious body hit the floor.

Just trying to warn you, people. The holidays are supposed to be festive, not an orgy of transferring you stress onto nameless employees, whose suffering gets you off.

Today's Example: Today's subject called a retail store where he/she had reserved two very popular upcoming DVDs. During her ample free time, he/she spotted a commercial advertising one of those DVDs. It was from a major (read: soulless) national chain, and the DVD would be $3 less than the copy he/she reserved. At this point, our subject decided that a $3 savings was worth more than the a)guaranteed copy that he/she would have, even if we sold out, b)call reminding him/her of the release of the DVD, and c)$3 coupon off any other non-sale item.

Hey, I understand. $3 is a Red Bull and a Snickers, and no services can compare to that. As a result, the subject requested cancellation of the one reservation, and his/her down payment to be transferred onto the other. Perfect and good, had he/she stopped right there.

Of course, he/she did not. After all, this is supposed to be an illustrative example, right? After that $3 savings was secure, the subject then launched into an interrogation of the employee who'd helped him/her out. Accusations such as "why don't you give people who reserve the best price?" (actually, we give them $1 off our lowest sale price) and assertions such as "well, there's no point to reserving then" (note the services provided above) provided minutes of stimulating conversation, all during an in-store rush.

So, ladies and gentlemen, the next time you get that tingly feeling of superiority/anger, keep it to yourself. You are free to conduct your business elsewhere. Just don't shoot the messenger on your way out. Remember the Ninth Beattitude:

"Blessed are the retail workers during the holiday season, they shall wreak bloody vengeance upon the stupid and short-tempered."

Next Lesson: You buy, I work. Don't try to switch roles.

The Triumphant Return?

Or, maybe not. Who knows? Who's keeping score? Besides the Red Sox/Cubs fans?

Nah, don't even get me started on that bloody mess. Nope.

So, let's make like Florida and do a recall:
-->The Talent Group said "sure, why not?" In theory, I now have representation. Nothing spectacular yet, but step one has been taken.
-->I spent the previous week w/ Steph, always a plus.
-->I've decided that I know way too much about WH40K, and need a job at Games Workshop.
-->I'm in a good mood, so I am going to gloss over anything dealing with the news. At least, I'll try.

The question comes to mind: what are the perks of working at Sam Goody? As tempting as it is to take a shot at an employer, allow me some serious time. Every once in a while, there are customers that have a mind that thinks independently. Engaging said customers in conversation, even a short one, is a perk that far outwieghs any sales numbers.

Example: Every so often, and intelligent Punk patronizes our store. Tonight was one such night. A short discussion ensued, and she provided a URL so that I could check out her musings as to what it means to be "Punk". I then re-read an essay from Bad Religion frontman, Greg Graffin, about the same.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is and example of what it means to be human: social discourse, leading to the people involved re-examining the terms that define who they are and what they believe. If only people would re-examine with an open mind (and on a regular basis), this world wouldn't represent Milton's Paradise Lost.
...
Sorry, no more literary references for tonight. I got a little worked up there. Oh, and if the first link doesn't bring her thoughts, blame it on the Internet. Why? Because the Internet can't fight back. (he he he)

Today's Thought: The words of Lt. Gen. William Boykin astound me. He states that a Muslim warlord worshipped an idol, and that Muslim enemies hate us for being rooted in Judeo-Christian tradition. After the initial uproar, he clarified: the "idol" was not Allah, but greed and corruption. But, we are still a nation founded on Judeo-Christian principles, he said.

And he's right. We are. However, Lt. Gen. Boykin makes the same mistake that the majority of America makes: ISLAM is based on Judeo-Christian religions. (((((gasp!))))) Yes, the prophet Muhammed said that this "Allah" that the people of Arabia were worshipping was the same as the God of the Bible! Guess what? Their god is our god! Oh, no! Does this mean our moral superiority is on shaky ground?!

Don't worry, our leaders will find a way to bring it all around. If our enemies hate anything about America, I'd wager it's the corporate culture, where companies can wield far more power than any faction or lawmaker. And what do companies value? $$$$$ ... (which one can easily translate to "greed and corruption"). Yes, let us all gather around the golden idol of Mooby the Cow.

(Sorry! That reference slipped.)

Anyway, to wrap up this verbose "Thought," Lt. Gen. Boykin's statements upset me because they were ignorant. Not just their content, but also the lack of thought dedicated to their effects. Say what you will about the military, but officers are not dumb people. Only the brightest earn the word "general" before their name. These statements undermine the integrity and distinction of that title.

-J.

And on the fifth day, he rested.

After logging in almost 30 hours at work in the last four days, the body likes this whole idea of "sitting around". Aaaahhh.....

In addition to a sudden increase in hours, I got to audition for a Pittsburgh talent/commercial agency. Huzzah. When I say "audition," I mean that I filled out paperwork, listened to explanations, handed my headshot/resume over, and interviewed with an assistant for about 10 minutes. Very straightforward, and I find out tomorrow.

Meanwhile, California might not find out its fate tomorrow. People are streaming to the polls just so they can get this bloody debacle over with. What a tumultuous breakup of ice in a river this is, too. The whole recall is an affront to the spirit of democracy. Yes, the people deserve the ability to call into question the continued service of a public official. But the stench wafting over from the West Coast is not the sweat of the people, but the fecal matter of politics. This has been, and still is, politicians channelling the public anger for their hopeful personal gain.

So:
1) Gray Davis should never have been recalled this early into his current term.
2) That said, keeping Davis in office may be harmful to the state of CA.
3) On the other hand, Arnold is not the most qualified candidate (to say the least).
4) On the third hand (growing out of my back), Arnold does not deserve the comments of "legal action" over this set of allegations, which may/may not be exaggerated.
5) Does this mean that if you have made ANY mistakes in your past, that you should not run for an office, as your wealthy opponents can bring them back in a dangerous light?
6) And what about Cruz Bustamante, a seemingly adept public official? He broke from the Davis camp, so as to provide an option for people wanting the recall but not wanting a Republican. Unless he wins, he'll probably be a pariah to his party.

Alright, enough of this excrement. I'm off to Ohio to spend time with my Stephy.

Today's Thought: The perfect way to celebrate a great fantasy football season (so far) is to join a fantasy league for a sport you haven't watched in years. Like, say, hockey. It's not going to be pretty.

Same as it ever was.

You know, I just realized something. Looking over my old pseudo-blog, that title is how I described our war in Iraq... back in March! And that's how I'd still describe it. Since the "end of major conflict," here's the daily news in a nutshell: more American casualties, no Saddam, still no WMD/chemical/biological.

Proof-positive that mainstream media is liberal: they recycle the news, more than a staunch environmentalist does his/her plastic. (Watch... Scarborough County or the O'Reilly Factor will take that statement seriously, supporting their like-minded and overwrought claims by week's end.)

(Oh, wait, it is week's end. Bloody 'ell.)

Today's Thought: Should we invade a country, primarily because they are trying to develop WMD, they may be an imminent threat, and they're led by a despot?


[Drum-roll please!]


Then say hello to our new enemy: North Korea! With Kim il-Sung sending GWBush notes of how AND where the WMDs are, and their test attempts to hit California, these cats make Saddam's regime look like some minor threat (maybe that's 'cause he was)

-J.

Here we are again.

Welcome to J.'s blog, version 2.0. If you want the story behind the blog's title, you'll have to visit my original pseudo-blog. Good times... good times...

Usually, I will endeavor to fill this space with my vitrolic rants about the sorry state of politcs, media, or humanity in general. Today, however, I'm just going to remind the managers of the world of this fact: when things cause you to be irritable, don't take it out on the bloody part-timers. Especially when sales are through the roof for the day, and especially when said part-timer is on loan from another store.

Anyway.