How to be a Customer: Lesson 2

Greetings, possible retail consumers. I hope you didn't feel too abused after the last lesson, because here comes the next one...

Lesson #2: You buy, I work... Don't try to switch roles

What do I mean by this one? Simple. I am on one side of the counter. On my side of the counter is a dizzying world, a veritable Venn diagram of hours, interpersonal politics, company policy, wages, promotions, product, condescension, and loads of inane questions. Now, on your side of the counter is a much different world. In that world, the objective is much simpler: to exchange currency for an item that will create positive reaction.

Sure, your world may contain elements that I know nothing about. And therein lies the point of Lesson #2... I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, DON'T TRY TO TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY BUSINESS!! (Sorry about the caps, but it's a phrase necessary to speak in an outdoor voice, i.e., loud)

The simple fact is that you don't know shit about shit (when it comes to where you shop), and I don't need you to tell me how to do it. Every suggestion you think is helpful probably goes against company procedure. And your admonitions/predictions serve no purpose but to piss of employees and placate your smug ass. See Lesson #1 about what happens when petty self-righteousness occurs...

Honestly, half the employees don't know everything that goes on in corporate, and sometimes I'm pretty sure corporate has no bloody inkling of what's happening on the floor. Even with that limited knowledge, we bitch, though we only fire it off when it's become constructive, and might help the company (ideally). (Granted, sometimes retail employees just bitch and rant, and sometimes the HQ are completely out of touch. But, usually, there is some level of symbiosis. Usually.)

Today's Example: A new store in a rental chain is opening. In said store, our subject signs up for a new account. Later that month, he/she stops by to rent under said account. This company is slightly different, in that it doesn't treat its potential members/customers as potential criminals. When he/she realizes that all he/she needs to do to rent on his/her account is speak his/her name, the subject becomes flabbergasted.

Next thing you know, he/she is paranoid and nervous, ranting about the rampant ID theft that is plaguing the nation. How can this establishment not require 20 forms of ID, two passwords, and a secret handshake to make sure that nobody rents on someone else's account?! "Don't you watch the news," this person asks, wide-eyed.

At this point, the store's manager informs the subject that he/she can put a "See ID" note on the account, and all is well. At this point, the subject could agree or decide that he/she buys far too deeply in the media's fear culture, and take his/her business elsewhere (where being treated like a potential criminal is comforting).

But, this is an illustrative example, so he/she chose the third option. The subject went in to great detail to explain to this store's manager that such a business was going to go belly-up. He/She cited vague anecdotes to back up his/her grand assertions, and left with a "Good luck, because I doubt that your business will be around for very long." (Because, as you might guess, a company with decades of experience and a proven/profitable business cannot hope to survive the paranoid delusions of some random crap-for-brains)

Don't tell me why my business will fail. Just exercise your freedom to shop elsewhere, and let me serve consumers who have a clue.

Next Lesson: If I don't treat you like a criminal, don't act like one.