Fuck the Bell, There Ain't No Saving

To the detriment of all mankind (that lives in North America), Adult Swim was not joking. It is running the 8 "best" episodes of that early-'90s purgative, Saved by the Bell. And, yes, those scare quotes mean I use the term lightly.

Before I delve into the commentary, let me set up two important points, dealing with [adult swim] and la Bell.

Starting strong, we must remember the import of Adult Swim. For years, this program on Cartoon Network has been at the foreground of the "cartoons aren't just for kids" crusade. And the program has been a multi-track attack:

• On one track, Adult Swim has always been known for its off-center and creative programs. Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast, The Brak Show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, and their ilk were the avant-garde of American animation. And the tradition continues with such titles as Venture Brothers, the Boondocks, and Robot Chicken.
• Right next to the original programming are the "rescued" titles, cartoons that were lost to cancellation. Let's be very clear on this: the primary reason that Futurama and The Family Guy sell DVDs, that Family Guy is back on FOX, and that American Dad even exists, is Adult Swim. Without the syndication on late-night Cartoon Network, Seth MacFarlane would not be popular enough to be a target of South Park.
• Finally, there is the anime. Without Adult Swim, there would have been far less (good) Japanese animation reaching a mainstream American audience.

Now, what about Saved by the Bell? Personally, I hate the show. Couldn't tell, right? My sister loved watching the show when I was in high school, and I would have to physically leave the room when it was on. When I turned on the TV this evening, to confirm its airing wasn't a joke, I felt vindicated: One minute in, and it fucking blows. It is the epitome of what was wrong with television in the '90s. If Seinfeld was the cream, Saved by the Bell was the expired milk that looked like cottage cheese.

Why does it still reside in the pop culture memory of this country? Nostalgia. Everything looks so much less shitty when it's blurred by time.

Which brings us back to Adult Swim. Why in Odin's name would a program like Adult Swim bring back syndicated episodes of S***d by the B**l? I can only think of two reasons.

One: It's a big ol' Postmodern joke. Remember that episode of the Simpsons when Moe's Tavern became "M"? All the TV screens have blinking eyeballs on them. When Moe turns on the football game, one of the hipster complains: "Unless you're being ironic, turn that back!" Perhaps this is Adult Swim being ironic... how else do you explain a dreadfully bad sitcom rerun airing on Cartoon Network?

Two: Adult Swim knows its got the clout, and it's flaunting that clout like a porn star with a 13-inch erection. Actually, if I'm going to start addressing this issue, I should use the proper title: [adult swim]. That's more marketabl-- I mean, better. For each successful new show [adult swim] has come out with, it's also rolled out some real drivel. How else do you describe 12-oz. Mouse, Squidbillies, or Stroker & Hoop. Pathetic, really.

Despite these lackluster shows, [adult swim] has lost little of its programming potency. In essence, it feels like they know they can peddle us shit, and we'll still tune in. In that sense, Saved by the Bell makes perfect sense. It's [adult swim]'s way of telling everybody who's listening: "Hey, we can take a lame '90s sitcom (not even a cartoon), repackage it in an [adult swim] line-up, and you'll still eat it up! Ha-ha!"

And they may be right. I'm pretty sure that there are enough people watching [adult swim] that will think this whole thing is hilarious, and their ratings won't crash during the M-Th 12:00am timeslot. It'd be a brilliant gamble, if they need to prove their clout to someone.

As for me, all I can say is: [fuck you, [adult swim].]