The Life and Times of Fortunato Plethora

That sounds like a damned good story title, doesn't it? No surprise there, as Sig. Plethora is a man who crafts some fine fiction.

Before I get too deep, let me clarify the status of Fortunato Plethora. I just referred to him as a "man." In all reality, the person who crafts Plethora's words might be male, female, or other. We don't know. All we know is that his/her/its nickname is "bcool57."

However, the persona that is Fortunato Plethora is distinctly male, so I will refer to him as such.

I realize that many of you may have never had the displeasure of meeting Sig. Plethora. He is not a man of subdued passions or delicate language. He tells you what he thinks, what he knows... for he is Fortunato Plethora.

Sig. Plethora is a man of varied tastes. When he's driving down the interstate, he prefers the Beach Boys or the Rolling Stones. When he's home, he loves watching the Hollywood happenings. Whether it's the Academy Awards or a holiday parade, you can count Fortunato in... especially if Keanu Reeves or Sean McLaughlin are taking part in the action.

But Fortunato Plethora is also a man who likes his classics. He likes them almost as much as his exclamation points! You'll find him poring over movies such as Westworld and Bullitt, or actors such as those crazy ol' Marx brothers.

In fact, that's how I met Sig. Plethora. I was researching the specs of a new Marx brothers box set, hoping it might have the DVD versions of the films I crave. Instead, I found review after review that warned me against purchasing an obvious rip-off.

That is, until I met Fortunato Plethora.

He read those other reviews. He has no idea what they reviews were talking about. Why would anyone want to own movies that you could rent? This collection is their highlights! The best moments of their career! And he knows, for he is Fortunato Plethora!

Wait... Highlights? I've read the biographies of all the brothers, and none of the stuff in this box set was ever really considered to be great moments in the Marx era. Recalling my years of speech, debate, and journalism experience, I did what one does when one's evidence conflicts. I looked at the sources.

What kind of credentials does Fortunato Plethora have? Besides the aforementioned nickname, his "residence" in Sorehhole, CA, there are only his reviews on Amazon.com. Having little else, I plunged into them. Of the ten reviews, eight were for Koch Entertainment DVDs, one Passport Int'l. DVD, and one book. The book review did nothing but promote one of the Koch DVDs... Hrm. Something seems off.

Then, after clicking on each individual product, did I learn the nefarious truth. My heart was broken, my trust shattered, their pieces falling to the floor and intermingling. Fortunato Plethora... was a corporate shill. His sole purpose was to give good reviews to low-quality, deceptively-packaged DVDs from Koch. Much like the predatory tribute CDs lurking in your nearest music store, these DVDs will make you regret their purchase the second you crack the seal.

I do not know when I will meet Sig. Plethora again... Probably when Koch Entertainment releases another scam DVD. Until then, I will always hear his words, ringing hollow in my memory for all the years to come:

"I should know, for I am Fortunato Plethora!"